I am

This is where I'm at, two worlds within a world doubting my gifts and questioning myself.
I know who I am, don't know what I want, spent the majority of my time trying to please other people and not me.
Giving and hurting and loving more than I should but I know this is me, I'm real to who I am, still don't know what I want
So here I am, two worlds within one world, struggling to make since of this journey, left in a hollow shell with no goals, no forsight.
I don't love and I won't love, thats what I live with, and I want the freedom of just going through life accordingly.

But my soul is left empty, rotting in the dirt from B.C and growth stunted AC, here I am.
I want to love and not hurt, to breathe without my heart shuttering from the pain I always expected.
Pain that is always dealt in harsh blows till my ribs cave in and lungs fail, till I'm left on life support.
Now I'm tired because abuse has been the existance of me, throroughly, and I am left to cause distruction in my path.
I am who I am, ever changing, evolving or faultering, heart hurting soul left in tatters on the floor crying save me  save me because I know there is more.

Me singing

So I decided to play with my webcam graphics and ended up recording a song. I love music, anyone who knows me knows that its a big part of who I am. I have that weirdness and dramatic personality that almost every artist has lol. So since I have been vibing I decided to put this video up. If anyone decides to follow me feel free to leave a comment and tell me what you think.

Infinite Sex

Can you make me scream?

Do you know all there is to know?

What spots to hit.

What parts to kiss.

Can you imagine the thoughts evoked?

By the way you walk.

The way you talk.

Your hands on my hips.

Tongue in my lips.

Are you thinking fo me right now?

Did I make you drip?

Let my voice illicit.

You know you want it.

Talk to me.

Tell me your secrets.

I can show you things illegal in a bedroom in 50 states.

First kiss me.

Ill hold thee.

Rub hands down my spine.

Ill rub my hands down your.....

Use your imagination.

You can reach your heights.

Make me oooo.

Ill give you ahhhh.

Climbing walls.

Yelling calls.

I wish you were here to give me what I see.

Minds eye rigid.

With what I'm missing.

Making legs tremble.

Hands fumble.

With me, with myself, I feel you.

Higher and higher still.

Till the ceiling blurs.

Till fingers lock.

Throat closes.

Cream Spills.

Lets do this again, next time I want you to watch.

Lost Girl

(Ive been dreaming about this poem for some time and I'm sure its not finished but i felt like if i didn't put it down i would loose it. So here it is for anyone who actually pays attention....)

Lost girl walking slowly eyes traveling with your feet, why are sad eyes boring into pavement? Maybe hoping that it will eat you alive.

Sad girl with heart full of pain and tears full of lies you wont have to feel anymore, keep your dream world surrounding you until it becomes reality.

Why wont you live for you and not let others define you and break you into little pieces giving them the chance to define you.

You can make it lost girl, you can rise up until ashes become a fire for life again, until its easier to breath, until the hurt is a distant memory, rise!

Lost girl with no sense of your spirit, no clue what you are made of, break free of the chains that bind you, break free of the life that once held you, wounded and bleeding, the frustration of repeated history.

Carry forth the strength of your ancestors, let their light from heaven shine through you so that you might inspire your soul to rise.

Be who you want to be and not what they want you to be, take back the strength born inside since conception, tap into it, manifest it within life so that its not to much to move forward.

Lost girl where is your pride? Proud people don't walk with their heads down, they don't shed tears over transgressions committed by other humans with their false intentions.

Don't give you away to those who would make it simple for your eyes to follow your feet in shame of nothing that can't be fixed or forgiven.

Respect earned not given can't taint images of good intentions leaving hollow holes where love or friendship took root and grew to be diminished, disfigured.

Girl make dreams reality, make fear non existent, make tears a choice, make life worth living, make joy mandatory, make peace where there is none, make love and have fun, make the past a lost thought, make the future hopeful, make a friend everywhere you go, make your heart an objective, make your eyes touch the sky and give your feet a mind of their own.

My Thoughts

I can not believe that I have been writing on this blog for such a long time. I feel like it was yesterday when I started pouring my heart out so that other people can see into my head. Im not the most complicated person in the world just thought I was interesting. Lol guess not. But its ok, I will keep pouring my heart out and maybe someone will gain inspiration from what I say or maybe even get a little hot from the erotic thoughts "from pen to paper." One Luv

Lust

Pen to paper trying to release the pent up lust inside of me becaue the images haunting my mind are blocking my normal thought process.
Chocolate and male, he invades my thoughts, not a figment of my imagination but warm blooded built like an athlete, strong, he invades my senses.
The only way to get him out of my head is to put pen to paper and write out my fantasies, from multiple orgasms to gentle caresses he consumes me.
Even his voice which can penatrate my skin makes me wet and seeing him everyday doesnt make it easy, if he is not visable his presence is undeniable.
He doesnt even see me but if he could invision the thoughts and feelings running through me I would intrigue him, Im sure, make him wonder if the physical could out do the mental.
And still I think of him between my thighs and I anticipate what will never be, guess its my way of making it through the day, but it doesnt stop my legs from trembling with just a thought.
To bad he doesn't know....