Intimacy

Come sit next to me, I love sitting by the fire place where the warmth cuddles you like your favorite blanket, I want to feel close to you at this moment.

You belong to me in this moment as our eyes lock and declare all the things we refuse to let fall from our lips, I crave this intimacy.

I want us to speak of our past lives, to reminisce about the times when we were meant to be but could not and how we traveled to this time and this moment just so we could have this conversation

Remind me why when our bodies lock I hear a sudden click in my ears telling me the untold truth of a love so forbidden it could only be established at this time , I need this intimacy.

Caress my face as we talk without words as if the language we are meant to speak exists no more and each caress says what you can not. 

Talk to me about your life, tell me all of your secrets because there is no doubt in my mind that I will tell you all of mine, rest your head on my thigh as you speak of triumphs and disappoints.

Relay to me your dreams, I want to know every crack that I can fill with a kiss, I need to know of every pain I can sooth with a hug.

I crave this intimacy just as I crave you throughout time to infinity, I want to know the history of your ancestors, I want to dream of your great great great grandmother so that I can thank her for guiding you to me.

Speak to me of our future, what you want from me as your wife, as the vessel for your children, as your life mate or soul mate.

Converse with me as I gently rub your head and pull your ear, I want to feel your voice vibrate through me, I want to feel your love, speak to me of how you crave me as I fall asleep to the sound of your voice .

I crave intimacy, your intimacy and I want to remember you, just you, for my future lives to come.

Insomnia

💤👀 So I'm having one of my notorious sleepless nights. I guess I have a lot on my mind. I mean I feel like I have to peel my eye lids off my cheeks but my brain won't shut down so I'm awake. I tried talking to God but that didn't last long. I think what is really bothering me is some things that happened to me today. For one I heard a knock on my door. I say yea yea I'm up thinking it must be my mom but when I ask her about it this morning she says it wasn't her. Okaaaaay. Then I'm watching the baby and I'm in the kitchen washing dishes and I look at the clock on the wall which is usually a dingy brown and it looks like its glowing. Am I knocking at deaths door? Is my time running short? Have I done what I was put here to do or has someone else taken my job? All of these things are running through my mind as well as sexual frustration and maybe too much caffeine. I know that being normal is overrated but I wish that when I layed down I could just shut it off. With my ex I never had a problem getting to sleep. Anyway our communication sucked and he ended with sleeping with a friend. Men! I should be able to just go to sleep, instead I'm up writing and thinking about anything that will cross my mind. I hope everyone else is getting a good nights sleep, it's essential for success.

Epiphany of Death and Music

I died in 1994 when people wore colors as bright as the sun and the fashion statement of the year was a high top fade worn by men... and women.

My body lie broken on the floor bloodied, bruised and battered from the misconception that love still existed.

I was brought back to life by music, the sound of a boom kat resonated from my stereo and breathed new life into me as if the beat came from beyond the planes of the living.

I remember it as if it were yesterday because I thought my life was over. I couldn't feel not one heartbeat vibrating through my body where there used to be an recognizable boom bom boom bom. Instead there was silence..

But that horn just blared from my radio shooting melodies into the sky and I was free as a bird in the open sky trying to catch the wind.

I felt the vibration for the first time bringing a new soul to my body, you see that day music saved me, I was no longer my own.

I belonged to the beat, I breathed a melody, I hummed unrecognizable tunes and I memorized every lyric, cord and rhyme as if it were the life of me.

I could still feel that kick and a snare, like the warm breeze on a summers day, running through me trying to set my spirit free where it felt overwhelming pain.

And I cried... out tears of joy, no not tears, I cried out music notes like rain drops and they fell into my lap like hip hop and I felt soulful melodies playing on my lips, trying to make a sound.

I sang a note, I sang a song that came from the depths, the pit of me and it came forth as an epiphany and melted ice from around me and became the symphony.

Haha I died in 1994, and if it weren't for the radio, my stereo and the melody that came forth, I would still be lying on that floor, bloodied, broken and bruised with the misconception that love still existed.

In Time

In a world so filled with sadness and pain I find that I have been feeling sorry for myself and the problems that I am going through despite all that is going on around me in the world. I have never been a selfish person I dont feel I ever will be but right now that is what I am being. I started on a new poem that has something to do with those feeling but I couldnt finish it because I couldnt stop crying. I want to remember that even though I am feeling some pain its not half as bad as what most people are going through right now because I have a roof over my head and food to eat and even a car. Yet I have this extreme sadness inside me that everytime I start to say what I'm feeling the tears are there and I have to stop them because crying never did anyone any good. So I canceled my facebook and I canceled my twitter and I turned off my phone so that I can gain some perspective. I need to go to God with my pain but its been so long since we last talked things just dont feel the same. This is the one thing I will keep because realistically poetry keeps me from killing myself. It's my only outlet. So once I am able to finish my poem it will be here for the time being I will try to heal my soul and my heart somehow so that I can get back to being happy me. Ha its been so long since I seen her I forgot what she looks like but I figure eventually she will show up again. Right???