I think he is the love of my life.

Today is a slow day here at work so I have allot of time on my hands right now. I have this friend that has been there since I was 12 but I really don't know what to do about him. I used to be in love with him I thought he was the best thing since sliced bread but I know I'm not where I need to be in my life and I know that he is struggling and everyday I question my real feelings for him. On one hand when I talk to him I remember why I love him. He is funny and laid back and easy to talk to when he doesn't want to argue. On the other hand he has so many issues and he complains allot about his family and the hand he was dealt in life instead of living his life and doing something about it or making changes. I admit I am his friend as well as I am there for him when he needs someone to talk to because he is having such a hard time dealing with things but then sometimes I just want to say "everyone has problems, deal with it, don't complain do something about!" But how can I say that to him when I don't even follow my own advice. I want something different, I want to be better and I want to make a change in my life to do something my parents can be proud of me for. But I don't know where to start. I feel so hopeless sometimes like I cant move from this stand still place that I am in. Its almost like if I die my family will miss me but no one will know who I am. Do I really want people to know me like that though? as someone who never made a difference. What changes could I possibly make that are positive for other people rather than myself. Sometimes I want to be selfish in my dreams but I know that if I was this great person who had all of this money then I would make sure my family and friends are taken care of. But back to this man that I'm not sure if I love or not. He can be a great person. He listens to me when I feel like whining which isn't much. He is there when I am upset and although he has a girl living with him sometimes I get the feeling he would rather have me there. He has never said how he feels for me he always says I'm his homegirl so I guess that's how he feels but then he doesn't talk to me like a homeboy. We have intimate conversations at times and sometimes I get mixed signals from him. I look at it like this though if he doesn't tell me how he feels then I will just leave it at being his homegirl. But if I do that what if we are supposed to have a future together. Am I waisting time waiting for him to come to me and then he finds someone else then what. I don't know what to do. So for now I wont say anything but if it is the case and we are supposed to be together I will be really disappointed that we didn't make that move sooner. But then again everything happens for a reason and maybe it's just not him or the time.