Who says movies cant make you feel?

I went to go see Why Did I Get Married this weekend and it was the best movie that I had seen in a long time. It made me cry, laugh, say " o no he didnt", and say thats what im talkin bout.lol I havent had a movie do that in a long time. It was really worth the money but then again what Tyler Perry movie or play isnt. I did however fall in love with the Troy character played by Lamman Rucker

(which is my new crush by the way). He really stole the show for me along with Jill Scott who I would have never thought of as an actress until i saw her in this role. Overall I would say if you have not seen this movie you must go see it I promise it is worth your $10.

I think he is the love of my life.

Today is a slow day here at work so I have allot of time on my hands right now. I have this friend that has been there since I was 12 but I really don't know what to do about him. I used to be in love with him I thought he was the best thing since sliced bread but I know I'm not where I need to be in my life and I know that he is struggling and everyday I question my real feelings for him. On one hand when I talk to him I remember why I love him. He is funny and laid back and easy to talk to when he doesn't want to argue. On the other hand he has so many issues and he complains allot about his family and the hand he was dealt in life instead of living his life and doing something about it or making changes. I admit I am his friend as well as I am there for him when he needs someone to talk to because he is having such a hard time dealing with things but then sometimes I just want to say "everyone has problems, deal with it, don't complain do something about!" But how can I say that to him when I don't even follow my own advice. I want something different, I want to be better and I want to make a change in my life to do something my parents can be proud of me for. But I don't know where to start. I feel so hopeless sometimes like I cant move from this stand still place that I am in. Its almost like if I die my family will miss me but no one will know who I am. Do I really want people to know me like that though? as someone who never made a difference. What changes could I possibly make that are positive for other people rather than myself. Sometimes I want to be selfish in my dreams but I know that if I was this great person who had all of this money then I would make sure my family and friends are taken care of. But back to this man that I'm not sure if I love or not. He can be a great person. He listens to me when I feel like whining which isn't much. He is there when I am upset and although he has a girl living with him sometimes I get the feeling he would rather have me there. He has never said how he feels for me he always says I'm his homegirl so I guess that's how he feels but then he doesn't talk to me like a homeboy. We have intimate conversations at times and sometimes I get mixed signals from him. I look at it like this though if he doesn't tell me how he feels then I will just leave it at being his homegirl. But if I do that what if we are supposed to have a future together. Am I waisting time waiting for him to come to me and then he finds someone else then what. I don't know what to do. So for now I wont say anything but if it is the case and we are supposed to be together I will be really disappointed that we didn't make that move sooner. But then again everything happens for a reason and maybe it's just not him or the time.

What can I do?

So I am different then most people. Sometimes I do random things like say the first thing that comes to the top of my head or something really silly in public or at work and some people laugh. Then there are those people that always have something to say. Maybe it's because they don't understand a person like me. Maybe its because they don't agree with some of the things that I say. I don't know. I am not here to make other people happy but sometimes i cant help but feeling like i have 2 heads or something because of the way people look at me. I am not going to change because i have been like this my whole life and it fits me. I am different and unique and I wont be defined as a type of person by anyone. But I do feel left out sometimes and I really wish that people could except me for who i am. I used to be that girl that had low self esteem because I had no friends but then as I got older I found that it takes a very good and loving individual to deal with me and that's OK. Because as long as I don't have to many friends I will never have to wonder who my real friends are. This song says exactly how I feel right now.

I know God will make a Way

I like gospel music and sometimes there are songs that just speak to my situation and give me hope that things will get better in the future. I do believe in God because I know without him I would have been dead and gone by now. I have had some really hard times in my life maybe not as hard as some people but it has been difficult. But the name of the song is I Understand and here are the lyrics:

Sometimes I feel like giving up
It seems like my best just ain't good enough
Lord if you hear me, I'm calling you
Do you see, do you care all about what I'm going through
And then he says, one more day, one more step
See I'm preparing you for myself
And when you can't hear my voice, please trust my plan
I'm the Lord, I see and yes I understand

But sometimes I feel like I'm all alone
I'm just like a stranger so far from home
I feel like I've done all that I can do
Please Lord give me strength, I'm just trying to make it through
That's when he told me one more day, one more step
See I'm preparing you for myself
And if you can't hear my voice, please trust my plan
I'm the Lord I see you and yes I understand

He knows how much we can bear
And in the time of trouble he promised he would always be there
I understand
The Lord is telling you yes I understand
I am the Lord I see you and yes I understand

I am the Lord I changeth not
I won't forget nor have I forgot
You see every thing works according to my plan
I am God, trust me, I got the whole world in my hand

One more day, one more step
I'm preparing you all for myself
And you can't hear me speaking, just trust my plan
I'm the Lord I see you and yes I understand
I'm the Lord I see and yes I understand
I am the Lord I see what you're going through
Every problem, every trial, every burden, every situation
I understand, I won't leave you
I understand, understand, understand

i hope that anyone who reads this post will be as inspired as I was when I listened to this song. Just remember that the lord sees your hurt and your pain and all of your problems and he understands. One Love

Watch little Kara sing

I thought this was the cutest thing in the world and I needed to post this for anyone who cares to check out my blog. I have never laughed so hard in my life and she was singing her littler heart out. She is only 2 but she looks like she knows every word to this song doesnt she?

Here we go again

You know i would love to stop struggling on a daily basis. What can I do sometimes I feel like I don't make enough to survive even though I have help. I struggle on a daily basis. I know that there are people in this world that are doing worse than me but I cant help but feel sorry for myself sometimes. I mean its human nature right? To feel for yourself. Bring everything to an all time low. I wish that I could do more sometimes but then other times i just feel like i cant do anything else that this is where I'm going to be for the rest of my life. I need to know what to do because my life is falling apart on a daily basis. I don't know how much longer I can actually keep my sanity.

Music is my life

As long as I can remember all I have ever wanted to do is sing. I have always had people tell me that I'm not good enough until I started to believe them. I wonder what people hear when they listen to me. Do they hear a good voice or do they hear someone that needs some work. When I listen to myself I think in the back of my mind you need some work honey its not that tight. But then when I hear other songs that I sing it sounds almost like the artist. One thing my mama always told me though is if you want to make a name for yourself don't try to sound like someone else. The problem is I don't know what I sound like. Some people just have it they have that distinct sound that sets them apart from anyone else like Beyonce, Shakira, Rhianna, Amy Winehouse and Tina Turner or even Michael Jackson. These artist set the standards for greatness and I have even asked myself why cant i be great. I want to be one of the people born to greatness. I realize that these artist worked for what they wanted but honestly if they didn't have the raw talent it would make a dam bit of difference how hard they worked for it or how bad they wanted it it just wouldn't have happened for them. I'm not saying that I have worked at it all my life I didn't exactly have supportive parents that were like yea reach for the stars and make your dreams come true. My parents were more like get your education you can never make it as a singer stick to your books and as this was drilled into my head over the years I got my education and made not one mark of my presence in this world. I once asked myself what makes people great. I never got an answer to that question and I really want to know what makes someone great. Is it the amount of money they have because God knows that money makes the world go round. Is it the way someone dresses. I have seen some of these so called "trendsetters" and I'm not impressed because anyone can take an outfit that doesn't match and is all colorful and as long as they rock it with confidence it will be the next style in fashion. I know that no one reads these things so I can vent if I want to. What will it take to make my mark on the world. I want people to remember me. I have always been the good girl the nice friend that when you first see her she looks so mean and she is stuck up but when you get to know her she is funny and cool as hell. (shouldn't judge a book by its cover I am a prime example of that) I just want to know if I can make my presence know and if I can stop being invisible to people. I want to be great.

A New Day

I never thought that my life would turn out the way that it is now. I always thought that I would be better than I was. You know never being the popular girl in school but always wanting to fit in. So I heard that when your life is so bad as a child that it gets better and so far I am still having the same trouble that I had as a child. I havent turned into the swan and maybe thats just what the problem is I dont know but I do know that I dont like the fact that I cant be this great person that makes a change in some way where I can tell all the people who ever treated me like crap ha! look at me now. Instead its almost like I am proving them right. The problem is I dont know where to start. I dont know how to change or evolve or become someone who is not scared to be me. Dont get me wrong there are some great things in my life like my family and my nephew ecspecially. I have some good friends who I can actually get along with as long as i dont live with them. I have been down that road before and i dont think i can go there again. I have a job that i actually like but i would much rather work in music if its all the same to life. I just want to do something where i can wake up everymorning and go yea! i get to go to work. I just got a raise so maybe that should be incentive enough lol. who knows. I wanted to post some othere blogs that I started on another website but I cant seem to find them so whenever I get a chance I will find them and just post them on here. Peace and blessings.

Boring Me

Ok So I am at work not wanting to do any work so I decided to start a blog. This will really give me something to do on our slow days. My brother just left on Wed to be at his next destination which really bummed me out because as much as he gets on my nerves I miss him alot when he is gone. Plus the military is so unpredictable I pray everyday that they dont send him back to Iraq. Plus my nephew who seems to have this weird attraction to his auntie only wants to smile and talk to me when I am far away and I call him my tenka baby lol. Dont know what thats all about. When I go to hold him he wants absolutely nothing to do with me. I love him anyway. I dont know what makes me want to do this and put most of my bussiness out there for people to see after all if anyone cares to know about my life they may read what I have to say all the time. Anyway I hope that anyone who comes across this blog has a blessed day and I want you to join in my prayers for my brother on a daily bases. The last time he was in Iraq it changed him for the worst. I pray he never has to go through that again.